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Listen to an audio
excerpt of
“Accepting the Ashes”
HERE
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“Accepting the Ashes is both an easy read (short, to the point) and a difficult read, because of its truth and directness. The advice is straightforward and obviously comes from the heart. I appreciate what you wrote, and applaud your work.” Col Charles W. Hoge, M.D., (Ret) Past Director of Psychiatry and Neuroscience Walter Reed Army Institute of Research and co-author of “Battle Mind”
”Accepting the Ashes” was written by Quynn Elizabeth, daughter of a two-time Viet Nam (also spelled Vietnam) veteran in the year of her father’s death and the escalation of the war in Iraq.
Due to her father’s experiences in war, he struggled with Post Traumatic Stress, heart sadness and alcoholism all his adult life even though he didn’t get diagnosed with PTSD until 1992. In “Accepting the Ashes” Quynn shares her personal story so that other loved ones and soon-to-be veterans, who are fighting right now, might not have to wait 30 years to heal their painful feelings often caused by experiencing war-related stress.
Currently, Accepting the Ashes is being used by The National Chaplain Center in its Veterans Community Outreach Initiative. This program focuses on educating community clergy and veterans’ caregivers about the special needs of veterans when they return home from war.
”I commend the author for preparing this very helpful little resource for the spouses and families of our veterans. The descriptions of the struggles of combat veterans with the symptoms of PTSD are very accurate.” A. Keith Ethridge, M.Div, Director, National Chaplain Center
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“Accepting the Ashes” is for American military men and women, and all those who love them.
”Accepting the Ashes” is one daughter’s attempt to increase communication among veteran families so that long-term healing can occur.
“Accepting the Ashes" does not attempt to diagnose or treat any veteran. It is written from the perspective of an adult daughter, honestly highlighting one man and how PTSD negatively affected him and his family.
In addition to assisting many American families deal with PTSD, “Accepting the Ashes” is being used by a growing number of VA Chaplains and National Guard Family Readiness Offices around the country to aid their veterans, families and volunteers as they attempt to understand and treat Post Traumatic Stress.
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VETERAN AND FAMILY PRAISE FOR “ACCEPTING THE ASHES”
“I am stunned by your insight. I was a Special Forces medic in Viet Nam. I got out in 1969 and was very successful until 1988 when a VA Service Officer said ‘Welcome Home, How you doing?’ I tried to say “fine” but I could not speak and started crying - very embarrassing.”
Bryan F.
"AS MY HUSBAND SAYS, "the smell of death never leaves your mind". The guilt is horrific. He has to choose to forgive himself. Your message is beautiful, Thank you."
A military wife
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An excerpt from “Accepting the Ashes”
Two years before his death I found my father alone in his apartment, looking horrible. This was by far the worst I had seen him. I could tell he was at the end of his proverbial rope and that he was deciding to live or die. I insisted on taking him to the VA’s alcohol diversion program that very moment because he had just recently got his first ever DUI. Once there, I watched my father as he sat across from a grey haired veteran and substance abuse counselor. Immediately, this man began talking to him about Viet Nam, saying things like “I know how you feel, you can’t sleep, and you feel guilty, right?” The dumbfounded look on my father’s face said so much. Thirty years after his war experience, and after a couple of alcohol diversion programs, he still felt that his problems were only his failings, that he was “weak” and just couldn’t “handle it”. Obvious to me, but an amazing revelation to him, he was not alone in how he felt. This humbling experience helped give my father the strength to get a second wind and in his last two difficult years, he was able to look at much of his past. The summer before he died, I spent five days camping with him. I was quietly shocked to hear him tell stories about Viet Nam, saying over and over, “I’ve never told this to anyone”. I was grateful that he could finally speak them and that he felt he could say them to me.
As a strange gift, my father kept every paper relating to his life. While going through the boxes after his death, I found documentation of everything, his youth, his warrior phase, his family years, legal battles, and his fall into a deep well of emotional pain that he had been able to keep at bay as a younger man. Through reading these papers, I was able to step into his world which I had not known before. For years, I only saw him occasionally because alcohol and sadness had overtaken his ability to hold his life together and it was just too painful for me to watch. However, we were both given a chance to heal old wounds. Little did I know that it was a last chance before he died. I’m glad that I took the opportunity.
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A note from author, and daughter, Quynn Elizabeth-
My father was able to come home from Viet Nam, but his experience did not leave him. Over thirty years after his return, he still struggled with alcohol, depression and self-inflicted guilt. Only after his death was I able to see into his life by looking through his writings and papers. Since he never spoke to his family about his experiences in war, I appreciated the opportunity to see more clearly why his life was the way it was, and why my family broke apart. In order to deal with my feelings of loss, I wrote a little book to others like me. What came of it was "Accepting the Ashes- A Daughter's Look at Post Traumatic Stress Disorder".
If I have one message for any veteran, or someone who loves a veteran, it is this- It is normal to have emotional reactions to trauma and stress experienced during war-related tours of duty. One is not weak who cannot “just get on with life”. Seek out help. As I say in my book, “You Have to Demand the right to heal.”
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Accepting the Ashes
© 2007 Quynn Elizabeth
Second Edition
(First Printing 2004)
All Rights Reserved
Illustrated by: Elizabeth Gentry
Cover design by The Merry Wolf Studio
merriewolfie@yahoo.com
Music at front and end of audio book by www.rainbowdidge.com
Printed by www.instantpublisher.com in the United States of America
ISBN 978-1-59196-873-3
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“At any one time, more than 3,000 veterans are waiting for their first visit to the doctor. Those whose injuries from battle qualify them for disability compensation often wait six months to two years to receive it.” Department of Veteran’s Affairs (“Altered Lives”, Timothy Dwyer, LA Times-Washington Post Service) Quoted in “Accepting the Ashes”
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“All service members who experience the stresses of combat can have wounds on their minds as well as their bodies. Veterans should see mental health services as another benefit they have earned, which the men and women of the VA are honored to provide.”
VA secretary Jim Nicholson (resigned October 1, 2007)
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