HOW SOME ARE USING “ACCEPTING THE ASHES”

“I've had the opportunity to share some of your thoughts with veterans in our residential PTSD program, and also in our inpatient psychiatry unit. Your words speak so deeply and clearly to them. We also have the audio CD version, and have played portions during our "Families Matter….and Care" groups within the residential program. Many say "thank God she wrote this book". Your thoughts and support truly affect those who hear your words.

As part of the Families group, we hand out a folder which contain a number of handouts our clinical staff find helpful. A basic informational handout includes your web address as a valuable resource, and I'm happy to say that when we receive our order of "Accepting the Ashes", we intend to add a copy to each folder.

Thank you, Quynn, for being guided to write this moving, inspirational and wonderful memoir and support for our veterans.”

Chaplain Patrick Whiteford,
VAMC – Memphis, TN


 “I have been creating a new paradigm for ministry to combat veterans over the last months. The reason: to be inclusive of our younger and newer veterans from OIF/OEF. The VA is expanding its mandate to include spouses and significant others of our veterans. Your book is to be a benchmark of the outreach to the veteran along with his significant others. You have shared emotionally and sincerely the view of life from the family to the veteran. It is important for this new paradigm that the veterans hear and read what and how their family feel about the veterans' experiences after combat”
Chaplain Robert W. Mikol
Dept of Veterans Affairs Medical Center Lyons, New Jersey
 

“Accepting the Ashes” is proud to work with Give an Hour in their effort to help veterans and their families.  The audio version of Quynn’s book is offered as a resource to each mental health practitioner who donates an hour a week to help a returning vet and his/her family.

GAH  is a 501(c)3 non-profit organization and its mission is to develop a national network of volunteers capable of responding to both acute and chronic conditions that arise within our society. Their first target population is the U.S. troops and families who are being affected by the current military conflicts in Afghanistan and Iraq.

They also offer services to parents, siblings, and unmarried partners who are not entitled to receive mental health benefits through the military.  If you are a veteran in need, a mental health practitioner or a community organization in need of volunteer hours, contact Give an Hour.

Transcript of a speech Quynn gave in Tucson, AZ in the spring of 2007

In any culture, there are two types of warriors. There are some men and women who are comfortable with being professional soldiers, let’s call them ‘career warriors’.  My book “Accepting the Ashes- A Daughter’s Look at Post Traumatic Stress Disorder” is written specifically for “term warriors”, individuals called to duty for a time or a reason, and then they go back to civilian life as soon as they are able to.  I wrote the book after my father’s death in 2004 because I realized there was, and is, a problem with the way our culture deals with our “term warriors”.  While military culture might want to think otherwise, war causes some kind of trauma for almost every person involved, and this trauma doesn’t just go away once the experience has ended.

I was born 9 months after my father came home from his two tours of duty in the Viet Nam war.  My father was a good man, but as time went on he mysteriously seemed to fall apart before the collective eyes of his family.  Until I was in my early thirties, when I had an opportunity to reconnect with my father as an adult woman, I had always thought of him as an alcoholic, but I never had a clue as to why he drank. Only after his accidental death did I get to see into his world, how he was trying to ignore the fact that his experiences in war, when he was a young man, were with him every day of his life, and affected everyone around him. 

It is important to say that each person is unique, based on their personality, circumstance and support system, and so how a person reacts after experiencing any kind of trauma is as individual as he or she is, but even if a person handles it “well”, the bottom line is that trauma does affect everyone.

If there is one thing our culture knows, it is trauma. Trauma can be caused by childhood experiences, rape violent assault, as well as many other ways. Many people feel that they are in the process of dealing with past trauma. Whether it happens chronically or once with lasting scars, we are a people with many generational layers of trauma. I have come to feel that a deep root of many kinds trauma is…war.  Traumatic experiences are in every part of war, scarring those who are on the receiving end, as well as those who have to carry out such acts. These scars are always passed down through the generations.

In our culture’s recent past there have been many names for describing the change that occurs in a person (most often men) after coming home from war- some are “soldier’s heart”, “battle fatigue”, and “shell shock”.  After the Viet Nam war, people began admitting in public that painful after-effects were quite common, thereby giving “it” a name, “Post Traumatic Stress Disorder”.

My father tried his best to hold his life together, and he did for the most part, until I was in my early teens. After my mother asked him for a divorce, he then tried to move on to a new family and focus on climbing the economic ladder of prestige. These things could not outweigh his heavy heart though, and his life fell apart, finally bordering on homelessness and suicide.  The saddest part to me, looking back, is that my father was convinced that he must be weak to be depressed, letting down his children and continually wanting to self-medicate, so the elephant in the room was never accounted for.

Since everyone is different, there is no formula for how a war veteran will be affected, but as a culture, both nationally and worldwide, we need to finally admit that if we send someone to make and perpetuate war, that means we tell him to do, and see, horrible things. They will be affected, and that is our personal business. 

I now understand that to experience after-effects from trauma is to be human.  It is normal, and we need to treat it that way. I am pleased to see a change in language of mental health professionals, away from the label “disorder”.  Honestly, I worry much more about the person who comes face to face with horrifying experiences, and then sleeps like a baby at night.

Many traditional cultures around the planet have specific ways to tend returning warriors after battle, to process, to heal and to purify the mind, body and spirit.  This careful reentry back into society is seen as necessary because untended war energy is not good for any culture that values peace.

There is a statement being said often now, which is “We are over ‘there’ so that the war doesn’t come over ‘here’.” Hearing this saddens me, because no matter the details of the war, it is always brought to the most important, and fragile place in any society, home.

Even for the “greatest generation”, who fought the last wholeheartedly supported war, if you scratch just under the surface and ask many WWII veterans about their time in war, you will find sadness, fear, anger and tears. If you ask their loved ones, who are probably your loved ones, well, you will find more of the same. 

If I have one message to share in my short little story, it is this. Strong men react to trauma, just like everyone else. Admit it, talk about it, demand the right to deal with it so that we don’t pass Post Traumatic Stress onto another generation without them even understanding what they have inherited.

To close,  I would like to quote a passage from my book. “I would imagine that just about everyone has some unresolved issues with their father, veteran or not, so I feel blessed to have watched my father in his older years, learning to understand how a phase in his young life fundamentally damaged him and those around him, even though he didn’t want to admit it.  In his last few years, I got to know him as a man and I realized the burden he had carried alone, without really knowing that he was carrying something. While I feel resolved with my father, I feel an immense sadness about how things turned out. I wonder, what if things were different, what if the culture supported, even insisted on, my father's healing, and all the others like him? So many what ifs… 

So now he is gone, but there are many more men, and now women, like him who are in a far away land telling themselves that everything will be alright when they get home. Once home, they do the best that they can to get on with life.  But what happens when the memories don’t go away? What then? What about the wives and the parents and the children who don’t know what to do with the intense feelings being displayed? How do we all deal with our loved ones when they have to come to terms with killing other human beings for our society? This is why I write to you, my father is one version of the future of your soldier, your loved one, your neighbor or client, or YOU,  30 years from now.  Your soldier is my father.  I am your daughter.  We are all in this together.”

 Arizona Soldier tries to keep her memories alive

12 News
May. 10, 2007 02:18 PM
War injury wipes out Arizona woman's memory

To Claudia Carreon, photos are like gold. The Arizona Soldier's memory was erased when she suffered a traumatic brain injury in Iraq. Four years later, she struggles daily to remember. She studies pictures, trying to recognize her family and friends. She doesn't remember her pregnancy or giving birth to her daughter, Sandra, three years ago.

Thanks to a new program at Therapeutic Riding of Tucson, or TROT, a special friendship, with a horse named Thunder, is helping Claudia gain back some of the independence she lost. Claudia says her time with Thunder is the only time she feels freedom.

TROT provides therapeutic equine programs to people with special needs, like those with Down Syndrome, Traumatic Brain Injury and Autism. Organizers say improvements in balance, strength and coordination result in increased mobility, independence and overall function.

In September 2006, TROT teamed up with the Southern Arizona VA Health Care System, creating a new therapy program for disabled military veterans. The goal is to to help the veterans gain the riding skills and confidence they need to become independent riders.

Traumatic Brain Injury ,or TBI, is called the "signature injury" of the War on Terror. As many as 150,000 U.S. troops are estimated to have suffered brain injuries in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Experts say blasts from rocket-propelled grenades, improvised explosive devices, and mines are a significant cause of TBI. It's the most common injury treated at the Polytrauma Network Site of Tucson, which is located at the Southern Arizona VA Health Care System.

The Polytrauma Network Program started in June of 2005. There are now 21 Polytrauma Network Sites in the U.S., allowing veterans with multiple injuries to be treated closer to their homes.

Kent Wilson, Ph.D, the co-director of the Polytrauma Network Site of Tucson says the VA is involved in a new initiative to do TBI screenings on all troops who return from Iraq and Afghanistan.